Comments on: The Ezz and I (Ebenezer 2.1) http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/ He has made everything beautiful in His time. Thu, 11 Mar 2010 02:04:30 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Britt Stratton http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-121575 Britt Stratton Tue, 14 Jul 2009 06:32:43 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-121575 We have 4 biological children and 4 adopted. Three of our adopted children are siblings and were 14, 9 and 7 when we adopted them from Brazil in 2006. We returned in the fall of 2007 to adopt our children's sister's son (confusing I know). He was 11 months old and although he was fed (overfed actually) and cared for as well as he could have been in an orphanage, he had no opportunity to bond with a parent or caregiver. Our experience with babies was with our biological children and we were not prepared for the damage that the lack of bonding had done to our son in those first months of his life. We have seen amazing things happen in his life! God has seen fit to heal him in so many ways but there is still a piece of him that seems to be missing. I truly believe that children who are reared the way that Gary Ezzo recommends will be in the same place of distance and isolation that our son was. God gives mothers instincts and compassion for a very good reason! We have 4 biological children and 4 adopted. Three of our adopted children are siblings and were 14, 9 and 7 when we adopted them from Brazil in 2006.

We returned in the fall of 2007 to adopt our children’s sister’s son (confusing I know). He was 11 months old and although he was fed (overfed actually) and cared for as well as he could have been in an orphanage, he had no opportunity to bond with a parent or caregiver. Our experience with babies was with our biological children and we were not prepared for the damage that the lack of bonding had done to our son in those first months of his life. We have seen amazing things happen in his life! God has seen fit to heal him in so many ways but there is still a piece of him that seems to be missing. I truly believe that children who are reared the way that Gary Ezzo recommends will be in the same place of distance and isolation that our son was. God gives mothers instincts and compassion for a very good reason!

]]> By: TulipGirl http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64890 TulipGirl Sat, 23 Feb 2008 04:16:06 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64890 Hank, If you haven't yet read the <a href="http://www.drslewis.org/camille/docs/05051999FinalEzzoEthnography.pdf" rel="nofollow">research</a> to which Camille referred at length in this post, I encourage you to do so. I recognized myself and many of the parents with whom I had close connections (Ezzo-wise) and the motivation of our hearts as parents. . . I believe you would recognize yourself and other likeminded parents in that paper. And perhaps. . . from there. . . you may be willing to entertain the idea that there are many people (like myself) who are critical of Ezzo ideology not out of ignorance, but out of true understanding. I would encourage to, just for an hour or so, set aside your assumptions (about me, about those who do not embrace Ezzo parenting, about the author of this site) and read through the posts here. Read through the whole <a href="http://www.drslewis.org/camille/category/grace/" rel="nofollow">Ebenezer</a> series, and consider how the Lord can encourage you and your family in continuing to embrace the Gospel, loving one another, and raising your sons to the Glory of God. Grace and Peace, TulipGirl Hank,

If you haven’t yet read the research to which Camille referred at length in this post, I encourage you to do so.

I recognized myself and many of the parents with whom I had close connections (Ezzo-wise) and the motivation of our hearts as parents. . . I believe you would recognize yourself and other likeminded parents in that paper.

And perhaps. . . from there. . . you may be willing to entertain the idea that there are many people (like myself) who are critical of Ezzo ideology not out of ignorance, but out of true understanding.

I would encourage to, just for an hour or so, set aside your assumptions (about me, about those who do not embrace Ezzo parenting, about the author of this site) and read through the posts here. Read through the whole Ebenezer series, and consider how the Lord can encourage you and your family in continuing to embrace the Gospel, loving one another, and raising your sons to the Glory of God.

Grace and Peace,
TulipGirl

]]> By: cklewis http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64886 cklewis Sat, 23 Feb 2008 01:35:51 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64886 Hey, Hank. Nice to see you here. <blockquote><em>The material has been available to the public for purchase on GFI.org for years</em>.</blockquote> Well, let’s put all our cards on the table here. Define “for years.” If you check that paper from 1999, you’ll see that I was in correspondence with Anne Marie Ezzo herself, I was on the GFI forums, and I had many friends involved. No one would give it to me, Hank. I tried. I even begged. I was told over and over that I had to attend a class. Policy might have changed since then, I’ll admit, but I was describing my experience in 1999. As to your other comments, I think you have misunderstood the nature of this post and those that sandwich it. I was speaking about my apologist stance in 1999. God has overturned my life since then in remarkable ways. I can no longer speak with the same voice. I wish you the best as you minister to your lovely, growing family. I know God will bless you and grow you in His unique way. Peace. Hey, Hank. Nice to see you here.

The material has been available to the public for purchase on GFI.org for years.

Well, let’s put all our cards on the table here. Define “for years.” If you check that paper from 1999, you’ll see that I was in correspondence with Anne Marie Ezzo herself, I was on the GFI forums, and I had many friends involved. No one would give it to me, Hank. I tried. I even begged. I was told over and over that I had to attend a class. Policy might have changed since then, I’ll admit, but I was describing my experience in 1999.

As to your other comments, I think you have misunderstood the nature of this post and those that sandwich it. I was speaking about my apologist stance in 1999. God has overturned my life since then in remarkable ways. I can no longer speak with the same voice.

I wish you the best as you minister to your lovely, growing family. I know God will bless you and grow you in His unique way.

Peace.

]]> By: Hank Osborne http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64867 Hank Osborne Fri, 22 Feb 2008 04:59:57 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64867 You said, "...Growing Kids God’s Way — because they wouldn’t let it out of “trained hands.”" The material has been available to the public for purchase on GFI.org for years. I am a supporter of the GFI material. Posts like this help me understand a little better where the critics of the GFI material are coming from. I continue to come out feeling that it is a shame that you folks can't focus on what you choose to do rather than what you choose not to do. You said, "How can I communicate that I’m not out to get them?" How about adding a little balance to your links. Instead of linking to the #1 propaganda and gossip site against GFI and Ezzo when clicking the name Gary Ezzo in this post, I would recommend that you link to one of these sites: http://www.GrowingKids.org/meet-the-ezzos/ http://www.ezzotruth.com/ezzo.html You said, “…Growing Kids God’s Way — because they wouldn’t let it out of “trained hands.””

The material has been available to the public for purchase on GFI.org for years.

I am a supporter of the GFI material. Posts like this help me understand a little better where the critics of the GFI material are coming from. I continue to come out feeling that it is a shame that you folks can’t focus on what you choose to do rather than what you choose not to do.

You said, “How can I communicate that I’m not out to get them?”

How about adding a little balance to your links. Instead of linking to the #1 propaganda and gossip site against GFI and Ezzo when clicking the name Gary Ezzo in this post, I would recommend that you link to one of these sites:

http://www.GrowingKids.org/meet-the-ezzos/
http://www.ezzotruth.com/ezzo.html

]]> By: Mel http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64789 Mel Wed, 20 Feb 2008 05:42:29 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64789 <i> Having order creates confidence in the Ezzo ethic since within order, life is predictable and controllable.<i> Hmmmm.... sounds an awful lot like... um... an idea your alma mater would appreciate. :-) Having order creates confidence in the Ezzo ethic since within order, life is predictable and
controllable. Hmmmm…. sounds an awful lot like… um… an idea your alma mater would appreciate. :-)

]]> By: cklewis http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64689 cklewis Mon, 18 Feb 2008 01:40:36 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64689 lovebeingamom -- That's coming. I describe some of that change after the birth of my first son in <a href="http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/14/ebenezer-20/" rel="nofollow">the previous post</a>. But there's more. ;) lovebeingamom — That’s coming. I describe some of that change after the birth of my first son in the previous post. But there’s more. ;)

]]> By: lovebeingamom http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64686 lovebeingamom Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:59:22 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64686 I am keen to know what changed your mind. Your original article is so glowing. When did you realize you were disagreeing? What made you choose not to do what your friends had done? I am keen to know what changed your mind. Your original article is so glowing. When did you realize you were disagreeing? What made you choose not to do what your friends had done?

]]> By: Dan Keller http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64646 Dan Keller Sat, 16 Feb 2008 22:31:00 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64646 The mark of a mature person is the ability to admit when you are wrong and find a new way. Some people never admit they are ever wrong. I think these people, after a while, lose their legitimacy. The mark of a mature person is the ability to admit when you are wrong and find a new way. Some people never admit they are ever wrong. I think these people, after a while, lose their legitimacy.

]]> By: Tim's Mom http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64629 Tim's Mom Sat, 16 Feb 2008 16:57:31 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64629 This is a fascinating series - thanks, TulipMom, for linking it on your blog! I've also linked. This is a fascinating series – thanks, TulipMom, for linking it on your blog! I’ve also linked.

]]> By: TulipGirl http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/comment-page-1/#comment-64623 TulipGirl Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:07:28 +0000 http://www.drslewis.org/camille/2008/02/16/the-ezz-and-i-ebenezer-21/#comment-64623 <i>"# # I have to repeat and unpack that last sentence: I was desperate to think the best about this organization. Every good fundy knows that we have to field more than a normal share of criticism. It doesn’t take long in your adult life to realize that the media can really be pretty sloppy in dealing with the facts. As you grow up in the subculture, you catch the idea that the real problem is that people inside the group just don’t have the words to express themselves or the arguments to defend themselves. They need an apologist, right? A loyal, er . . . rather an empathetic, skilled apologist. That idea of loyalty pushes any criticism out of bounds as simply unreasonable griping and immoral living. I was still learning that at this point in my study. At IU, I researched many, many approaches to social change, and it seemed to me that those inside any culture were more effective at enacting social change than those outside (i.e. Martin Luther King does more than Malcolm X. Or so it could be argued.). And I was fully, loyally inside. I needed to prove to the Ezzo community that I was inside. And that meant to deliberately choose to think the best of the organization (and push all criticism outside the boundaries)."</i> YES! Exactly! Both within the Christian subculture (and when I was within the Ezzo microculture) there is so often the feeling that other people "just don't get it." There is the feeling that most criticism is because people don't understand. I can now say honestly that many criticisms of Christianity have some basis in reality--but STILL so very many of them are because people just can't "get it" without being a Believer and having the Lord work on our hearts. But, the outworking of Christianity in peoples' lives is imperfect, and so we should listen to criticism from non-Believers. Ezzo parenting, on the other hand, I've come to believe those "outside" do "get it"--a lot more than many Ezzo parents do. . . It was easy for me to dismiss criticism when I was an Ezzo parent. "They just don't understand. . ." But the reality was, *I* was the one who didn't understand--I just couldn't see that the problems we were having were legitimately connected to the Ezzo teachings. (And it wasn't just me lacking flexibility and common sense!) I've become outspoken about Ezzo parenting. . . And while I do believe that is important, I regret that I haven't always been able to communicate, <i>I understand where you are coming from. . . I "get it" and know your motivation is out of love for your children. . .</i> “#
# I have to repeat and unpack that last sentence: I was desperate to think the best about this organization. Every good fundy knows that we have to field more than a normal share of criticism. It doesn’t take long in your adult life to realize that the media can really be pretty sloppy in dealing with the facts. As you grow up in the subculture, you catch the idea that the real problem is that people inside the group just don’t have the words to express themselves or the arguments to defend themselves. They need an apologist, right? A loyal, er . . . rather an empathetic, skilled apologist. That idea of loyalty pushes any criticism out of bounds as simply unreasonable griping and immoral living. I was still learning that at this point in my study. At IU, I researched many, many approaches to social change, and it seemed to me that those inside any culture were more effective at enacting social change than those outside (i.e. Martin Luther King does more than Malcolm X. Or so it could be argued.). And I was fully, loyally inside. I needed to prove to the Ezzo community that I was inside. And that meant to deliberately choose to think the best of the organization (and push all criticism outside the boundaries).”

YES! Exactly! Both within the Christian subculture (and when I was within the Ezzo microculture) there is so often the feeling that other people “just don’t get it.” There is the feeling that most criticism is because people don’t understand.

I can now say honestly that many criticisms of Christianity have some basis in reality–but STILL so very many of them are because people just can’t “get it” without being a Believer and having the Lord work on our hearts. But, the outworking of Christianity in peoples’ lives is imperfect, and so we should listen to criticism from non-Believers.

Ezzo parenting, on the other hand, I’ve come to believe those “outside” do “get it”–a lot more than many Ezzo parents do. . . It was easy for me to dismiss criticism when I was an Ezzo parent. “They just don’t understand. . .” But the reality was, *I* was the one who didn’t understand–I just couldn’t see that the problems we were having were legitimately connected to the Ezzo teachings. (And it wasn’t just me lacking flexibility and common sense!)

I’ve become outspoken about Ezzo parenting. . . And while I do believe that is important, I regret that I haven’t always been able to communicate, I understand where you are coming from. . . I “get it” and know your motivation is out of love for your children. . .

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