{"id":721,"date":"2005-04-01T19:00:11","date_gmt":"2005-04-02T00:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.drslewis.org\/camille\/2005\/04\/01\/he-shall-cover-thee-with-his-feathers\/"},"modified":"2005-04-01T19:00:11","modified_gmt":"2005-04-02T00:00:11","slug":"he-shall-cover-thee-with-his-feathers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.drslewis.org\/camille\/2005\/04\/01\/he-shall-cover-thee-with-his-feathers\/","title":{"rendered":"He shall cover thee with His feathers."},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"border-right: medium none; padding-right: 0in; border-top: medium none; padding-left: 0in; padding-bottom: 1pt; border-left: medium none; padding-top: 0in; border-bottom: windowtext 1.5pt double\">\n<h1 align=\"center\" style=\"margin: 12pt 0in 3pt; text-align: center; border: medium none; padding: 0in\"><span style=\"font-size: 12pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman'\">Ladies Retreat<\/span><\/h1>\n<p><em>He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth [shall be thy] shield and buckler. Psalm 91:4<\/em><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span><span>Two years ago I was here\u2014still glowing from God\u2019s tender care for me through the most difficult and even despairing moment in my life. Let me explain.<\/span><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span><span>As many of you know, my daughter Elise was born to Heaven on <\/span><date Year=\"2001\" Day=\"7\" Month=\"7\"><span>July 7, 2001<\/span><\/date><span>. That event sent me into God\u2019s arms with questions and tears where the only prayer I knew to pray was \u201cHelp me!\u201d I questioned nearly everything I had assumed about the Faith, but still I could readily feel God protecting me under His wings. While I endured the roller coaster of grief\u2014from denial through guilt and self-pity and bargaining to sadness and finally acceptance\u2014and learned from it that God was always lovingly in control, the second week of February 2003 was probably my lowest moment. I had had two additional miscarriages since Elise was born \u2013 that\u2019s four pregnancy losses total. Satan attacked me with three horrible thoughts:<\/span><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span><\/p>\n<ul type=\"disc\" style=\"margin-top: 0in\">\n<li style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: list .5in\" class=\"MsoNormal\"><span>I had overheard friends who had recently discovered they were pregnant express that they were scared to be pregnant \u201cbecause of everything Camille had been through.\u201d I was struck with the thought, \u201cWhat am I now a <em>discouragement<\/em> to people? Great.\u201d When you\u2019ve had such horrible loss, you begin to think you\u2019re a jinx and sometimes innocent comments like this only confirm those ugly thoughts.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: list .5in\" class=\"MsoNormal\"><span>Then Grant and I went to Wal-mart for some essentials. Nothing extravagant\u2014deodorant, light bulbs. It was $42 total. And we couldn\u2019t buy it because our debit card didn\u2019t go through. For a lousy couple of bags of nothing really, we had to walk away. We later discovered we only had $37 in our checking account. And that same day we got a bill for some recent medical procedures and tests for me\u2014over $3000.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt; tab-stops: list .5in\" class=\"MsoNormal\"><span>I was smocking a dress to celebrate the adoption of a new family member. Scott and Chris Lining were adopting Janae after a long difficult illness for Chris and an arduous adoption journey. As I sat there poring over the patterns, relishing the planning of colors, thread, flowers, pearls, and fabric, Satan hit me right between the eyes with, \u201cWhat kind of a fool do you think you are? Do you ever think you\u2019re going to make one of these for your own child? Hmph. You\u2019re a fool.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span><span>This all happened on a Thursday. All these ugly thoughts and events coincided on that one day. By Friday night, when I was finally alone, I threw myself down in tears before the Lord, begging for Him to help. I finally prayed, \u201cOkay, Lord. I am throwing this all in your lap. I need something. I don\u2019t know what I need. But I need something. So I\u2019m just going to assume that you are going to give it to me by Sunday night at church. . . . And btw, I promise that I won\u2019t second guess it. I won\u2019t question it. I\u2019m just going to take your message at face value.\u201d<\/span><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span><span>There\u2019s something about having all this education. You begin to question everything. You say to yourself, \u201cThat\u2019s just what you want to hear, silly. That\u2019s not what God\u2019s saying.\u201d So God was prompting me, I believe, to put aside my critiquing muscles and listen like a child.<\/span><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span><span>I remember walking into choir practice that Sunday night. I prayed, \u201cLord, help Danny as he\u2019s preparing. Remember, I\u2019m listening. So give him what I need to hear.\u201d<\/span><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span><span>God had better plans. He didn\u2019t wait until church. He started in choir. I sat away from my friends where I\u2019d be tempted to giggle my way through. You know how chatty we sopranos can be. And He sat me right in the middle, right in front of Dr. Cook\u2014who was in a bit of a chatty mood himself that night. We started with \u201cNone like you,\u201d and I felt like God was softening me up for the next song: \u201cAnd the Father will sing over you with joy.\u201d<\/span><span>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/span>You all remember that song? It\u2019s based on Zephaniah 3:14, 17.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><em>And the Father will sing over you in joy!<\/em><em>He will take delight in whom he loves.<\/em><em>Is that a choir I hear singing the praises of God?<\/em><em>No, the Lord God Himself is exulting o&#8217;er you in song!<\/em><em>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/em>Wow. <city>\n<place>Warren<\/place><\/city> amplified these words a little bit further. God rejoices over us? He <strong><em>SINGS<\/em><\/strong> over us? My word!! God is encouraged over <strong><em>me<\/em><\/strong>! What a cure to worrying about what others might fear from what God has carried you through.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt\" class=\"MsoNormal\">The song goes on.<\/p>\n<p><em>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/em><em>My soul will make its boast in God,<\/em><em>For He has answered all my cries.<\/em><em>His faithfulness to me is as sure as the dawn of a new day.<\/em><em>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><\/em><em>Sing, O daughter of <\/em><city>\n<place><em>Zion<\/em><\/place><\/city><em>, with all of your heart!<\/em><em>Cast away fear for you have been restored!<\/em><em>Put on a garment of praise as on a festival day.<\/em><em>Join with the Father in glorious, jubilant song.<\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The Holy Spirit struck me with the thought, \u201cHoney, that dress that you\u2019re making for Janae. That\u2019s a garment of praise! You\u2019re celebrating the fact that she\u2019s home. See what I\u2019m saying here\u2014I\u2019m telling you to get ready to put on your own happy garments. Get ready. The happy is coming. The festival day is coming. Just not yet.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I wept through the entire choir practice. My poor sweet husband ran to my side afterward, but it was really all good. God was showing me His message. He was whispering to me His comfort while always underneath His care.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Whew! I was done, I thought. Okay. Wow. That was good. Okay. We can move on. The service began, and I realized Danny wasn\u2019t preaching. It was Jerry Sivinsky. Hmmm. . . . okay.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>He preached on prayer. Maybe you remember the sermon? He preached on praying specifically and confidently and with even a \u201cdeadline\u201d of sorts. But get this\u2014he had preached the exact same sermon at school in November. Huh. That\u2019s certainly God trying to get my attention, so I knew I needed to listen.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>But that was hard. You know, we pray so timidly. We ask as if to say \u201cif that\u2019s okay\u201d and \u201cdon\u2019t want to bother you.\u201d Jerry was telling us something different. He was describing a boldness\u2014like a child who marches up to her Father and asks, \u201cDaddy, may I?\u201d My critical muscles started to flex. \u201cThat\u2019s not what God means.\u201d But I told them to cut it out. I had to.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The next week, I sat down and wrote this prayer through tears and shaking hands. I was scared to even write it. I asked the Lord:\u00a0<\/p>\n<p><span>1)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>To continue to carry us through these hardships so that we could feel His presence.<span>2)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>To take care of our finances in a timely manner.<span>3)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>To . . . . [and this is the one that made me so scared] give us a normal, healthy, screaming baby by the end of Christmas vacation.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I knew He could do the first one. That\u2019s a metaphysical request. No big whoop. The second? I\u2019ve heard him do miraculous things with school bills and such. I knew He could do that. But that last one. . . . to be honest, I was thinking \u201cChristmas\u201d when I wrote \u201cthe end of Christmas vacation.\u201d But I was giving God a few more weeks there\u2014just in case He needed the later deadline.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>That scared me. In order for that to happen, there would be so much that would have happen \u201cjust so.\u201d <span>1)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>My surgery would have to go smoothly without incident. <span>2)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>My recovery would have to be easy.<span>3)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>The doc would have to give me the go-ahead on my second cycle after the surgery.<span>4)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>We\u2019d have to conceive.<span>5)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>That pregnancy would stick and be viable.<span>6)<span style=\"font: 7pt 'Times New Roman'\">\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/span><\/span>I would carry that baby through to a live birth.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s a lot. I remember sitting in that paper dress in my doctor\u2019s office for my post-op follow-up. My incisions were fine and everything was healing well. I asked, \u201cWhen can we go ahead and try to conceive?\u201d He hesitated, \u201cWell, you need to wait one more cycle. . . . Oh, here\u2019s a phone call. I need to take it. Just a sec.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Sigh. . . . I laid there on the exam table and prayed, \u201cOkay, Lord. You\u2019ve got it worked out. I know that. I\u2019m bummed about this, I just want you to know. But I know this is best.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The doctor came back in and said while thumbing through my massive chart, \u201cYou know, there\u2019s really no need for you to wait. You can go ahead and start this next cycle.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>YIPPEE!! And the next step was starting to take the baby aspirin and the folic acid and such which I started the Friday night of the Ladies Retreat two years ago. In the next few months, God reduced my medical bills to $320\u2014we could manage that\u2014and the next Fall, the University FINALLY gave us a very generous raise. And as you all know, three days <strong>before<\/strong> Christmas our precious little screamer, Isaac, was born. In fact, he screamed a little too early which is why he had to stay in the NICU for a few days. I\u2019m still tickled that God heard my prayer for <strong>before<\/strong> Christmas even though I officially wrote down \u201cthe end of Christmas vacation.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>I love this metaphor of \u201cunder his wings\u201d because it\u2019s a maternal metaphor. God is quite flexible in how He describes Himself, and He isn\u2019t worried about narrow roles. And it says that He\u2019s protecting us instinctively. He\u2019s holding us very, very, very close to Him when danger is near. So close that He knows the intimate and even unspoken and unwritten desires of our hearts. He wants to give them to us. He\u2019s not maniacal\u2014dangling a carrot at the end of a string in order to watch us dance at His command. He\u2019s not locking us up in our rooms when we have strong and difficult feelings. God doesn\u2019t do time-outs; He does time-ins. He draws us close, rocks us to sleep, carries us all the day long.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Answering my prayer and giving me this little life to enjoy is proof to me of how much God loves me and how closely He listens. But loving this little life has also taught me what that love is like. When I comfort him through teething, clean yet another explosion in his pants, giggle at his imitating Daddy brushing his teeth, and instinctively protect him under my wings, I think I get a better glimpse at how lovingly, persistently, and generously God loves us.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\" style=\"margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center\" class=\"MsoNormal\"><em>He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ladies Retreat He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,8,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-721","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-faith","category-grace","category-think"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.2 - 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