Ebenezer — The Resignation
I now recognize my reaction to that Friday the 13th meeting was much like a battered wife. I was numb. I was trying to be positive, but honestly I was just glad that “beating” was done. I began to brace myself for another horrible year. I didn’t know how I could endure it.
Grant’s response was exactly the opposite. Talk about rising to the occasion! I was stunned. It seemed to me that the Holy Spirit was empowering him in an unusually resilient way. It was impressive. I don’t know if I’ve ever told him that, but wow!
On Saturday, he happened to find a job listing for a male voice faculty position at North Greenville University. He mentioned it to me. I was too numb to respond. Whatever, I thought. Keep dreaming.
On Sunday morning, he leaned out of the shower and said, “Listen. Pray about that. I can’t get that out of my head.” Me? I thought in an Eeyore voice, “Okay. But why bother?”
On Tuesday, he submitted his CV. A week from then he had an interview, an audition, and a job offer. That evening, while the kids romped in the Burger King playground, we just stared at each other. Is this it? Is this what we’re supposed to do? Leave? We put out a fleece, and now it’s soaking wet. It’s a miracle that the position was even open at this late date and it’s a miracle that they want Grant to have it?
We crunched the numbers. He’d earn enough there for me to stay home with only a nominal difference in the pay from our dual incomes at our then-current employer.
But still. We had vowed to ourselves and insisted to God that we couldn’t “break our contract.” That was the ultimate sin in that world. Your name was less than mud if you did that. Derision, disgust, and damnation fell on you if you “broke your contract.” I even know the code in the campus database for those who “break contract.”
It hit me later than Grant, I think, that the cards would always be dealt in their favor on that one. We couldn’t come out with a good reputation in that broken system. They had erected that hedge, so they get to maintain it.
From a friend’s counsel, we realized that with that ultimatum they had changed our contract. We had complied with every one of their requests — from blog posts about campus food to book recommendations to internet forum participation to dropping accepted chapters from published works. But silencing our conscience was too far. Another friend reminded me of Luther’s admonition that our consciences must only be captive to the Word of God. We could never let the over-sensitive and over-spiritualized indenture to a customer base trump the Holy Spirit. We were taught better.
We were sick about leaving our students. Just sick. But just like when a plane is going down, you’re supposed to put your own oxygen mask on first and your child’s on second (because you are worthless to help him if you are passed out on the floor), we realized that we were no help to them or to our sons if we seared our consciences. They were God’s after all. Not ours. God would take care of them.
But look! God had gone ahead — way ahead — and prepared a place for us. No moving, no enormous upheaval to our lives. So many answers to prayer intersected at this one event. God’s best was right there. For us!
And two weeks from the ultimatum, we resigned. God had pushed us out, but He’d given us a very soft place to land.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.
March 16 2008 06:00 pm | Grace and Heal and Remember and Speak
March 16th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
God is so good to take you from one place directly into another. May the ministry you and your husband have be multiplied many times over.
March 16th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I’m sorry to hear about this. These kinds of situations can be very painful and damaging. I pray that you will be able to move on and focus on the grace of God in your lives.
A grateful student,
Jason
March 16th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Hey, Jason!! Keep reading for more proof of that, but I think it’s been refreshing for us both to see that God was there at every step — from burying our child to pushing us out the door of a ministry we were fully committed to. This whole series is that focus! :-D I just can’t stop smiling about it.
But stay tuned!
March 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Isn’t it amazing? God provides so much and we usually don’t even notice, but in times like these, His Ways really shine! I remember when I was fired from the same institution–within a month, I had a job offer at Barnes and Noble (doing what I loved–working with books!). THEY called ME, too! I hadn’t even remembered that I’d submitted an application for employment almost a year before, but God knew, and God worked, and God provided. I got promoted almost right away, too, and I ended up making way more than I had at BJU (which was good, because for a poor young married couple just starting out, any extra money is extra food on the table!).
And again, when I was ready for a change but not sure I’d be able to find a job I liked that was close to home, God was already there. The same day I put in my notice at B&N, I had an offer from Crossway, the branch right across the street from our apartment complex. And THEY promoted me and gave me a raise almost right away, too! How amazing is that? Lord, it’s too much! Seriously, never in my wildest dreams would I have even asked for that for myself–it was too good to be true. But that’s how He works. Over and above what we ask or think–those are His blessings!
Isn’t it just amazing that Grace aboundes, even after our salvation is secured? Because, really, He could have just stopped right there, saved us, and had done with it. But no, He continues to bless us and treat us as His own kids! Now, THAT’S amazing! THAT’S Grace.
March 17th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I noticed over my years at BJU that they expect more loyalty from faculty and students than they are willing to show in return. Your hesitation to resign and your willingness to comply with their demands are evidence of your commitment. Clearly, that commitment was not reciprocated.
In contrast, God has demonstrated himself faithful and gracious when you and Grant were battered by a disloyal and graceless system.
March 17th, 2008 at 4:42 pm
Great point, carey, and very true.
March 18th, 2008 at 8:06 am
Hi Camille,
I wanted you to know that you have been “tagged” and I hope you have many more readers of this important series. The spiritual abuse is rampant and God’s grace needs to be proclaimed in the midst of it!
Karen
http://thatmom.wordpress.com/2008/03/18/a-thumbnail-sketch-of-me/
March 18th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I remember thinking, right before I left, “If that’s Christianity, they can have it.” I was truly in shock when I matriculated to a small, United Methodist, liberal arts college and found more true Christianity there than at BJU. When I then transferred to a state school, I found even more evidence of true Christianity. What I experienced at both North Carolina Wesleyan College and Appalachian State University was a Christianity that developed a nurturing and caring side and was not dependent on archaic rules and dress codes.
Imagine a world where people want others to SEE Christ in their lives. And, just think, you can wear jeans, go to movies, have long hair (for the guys) and listen to rock music. The people I encountered were full of grace.
There’s a great line in the movie CHAPLIN, where Chaplin tells Douglas Fairbanks that the USA, “…is a good country underneath.” Fairbanks replies, “No, it’s a good country on top.” That’s how I feel about most of fundamentalist Christianity - it’s good on the surface.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Reading and thankful that God was taking care of you throughout this journey.