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“Just coffee, please. Black.”

Should a true man want to lose weight, let him fast. Let him sit down to nothing but coffee and conversation, if religion and reason beg him do so; only let him not try to eat his cake without having it. Any cake he could do that with would be a pretty spooky proposition–a little golden calf with dietetic icing, and no taste at all worth having.

Robert Farrar Capon

Have you seen the ads for the miracle yogurt that will guarantee you lose weight? ‘Cause it’s only 100 calories! Have you tasted it? Why bother?

I remember seeing some “expert” on the Today show insisting that if we just replaced this manufactured product for that more-manufactured manufactured product (with fewer calories), we’d all lose 20 pounds a year. . . . Really? REALLY? Have you tried that, Dr. Television? Can you prove that that’s what happens?

But no. He can’t. Because it’s all in theory. It’s all some scientistic equation of the little spooks called calories. And it’s a fiction.

I’m not saying that if you reduce calories, you won’t lose weight. You will. This latest endeavor of mine proves that. But God created food and our experience with food to be more than caloric. Food consumption involves texture and temperature. It’s taste and smell. It’s colorful and discursive. It’s nutritional and sensory and intellectual and emotional . . . and spiritual. If God were just concerned about calories, He would have made soylent green.

So if we get together during Lent — for both religion and reason — I’ll be having coffee. Black, thank you. With some stevia. Every time I pour it, I think about Malcolm X.

If I have a cup of coffee that is too strong for me because it is too black, I weaken it by pouring cream into it. I integrate it with cream. If I keep pouring enough cream in the coffee, pretty soon the entire flavor of the coffee is changed; the very nature of the coffee is changed. If enough cream is poured in, eventually you don’t even know that I had coffee in this cup.

It’s strong. Direct. A little unpalatable. Unmediated.

1 thought on ““Just coffee, please. Black.”

  1. The movie “Soylent Green” has to be the most depressing Science fiction movie ever produced. Even ‘worse’ than The Planet of the apes’ movies. I HATE that movie! But I like good food. Was once in a Gwen Shamblin “Out of Egypt” weigh down workshop in my Parish with hubby. Later I found out ‘she’s gone’ coo coo into Anti-Trinitarian confusion, has even started a ‘cult.’ The ‘only eat when you’re hungry, stop eating when you’re full’ formula, never seemed to work for us so we gave up. Now after a few months of Scatica suffering, hubby has lost so much weight, he can get into clothing, such as slacks he’s wanted to get into, for years. And ALL that without dieting! Try to figure ‘that one’ out! His weight loss has stopped by the way. Digestive problems, intermittent, and as yet unhealed, have caused me to lose weight also. And I’m not even ‘on’ a diet.Yet, I’m notreally sick just a little fed up! Figure that one out! Calorie counting? That went out with the last diet book I bought back in the seventies. Now, I could care less. Just eat healthy,use common sense, eat as whole ,natural, and ‘cook your own’ food as much as possible, and “take two Asperen, call me in the morning!” A funny line from a Walter Mathau comedy! I think diet book authors who preach ‘calories’ should all be arrested and locked up. The diet books from the seventies are on their way to the Sally Anne stor and savour, as in a dream.

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