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Happy 3rd Birthday, Elise!

Just wanted to wish my daughter a Happy 3rd Birthday in Heaven. Sigh. . . . I finished the dress last night that I’ll take to the hospital for another stillborn girl. It’s white, smocked with pink flowers. I had to go simple this year because my little Isaac is a needy little guy. I finished this one through his 6-month growth spurt and his teething. I’ve got two online friends who made another two dresses too — one for a premie (pink batiste with french lace) and another full-term girl like Elise (white with window-paned lace on the skirt and an embroidered cross). I hope that I can take a little boy’s outfit at Christmas to honor Isaac’s birthday too. I think I should start that one EARLY though. 😀

Anyway, a sentimental day. It’s SOOOO much easier to face her absence with a little precious and robust life wriggling in my arms *and* in my heart. I can’t help but think about how her life has changed us. This last weekend Grant found some old home videos from a month before she was born. Wow — to just think about who I was then and who I am now! It’s just startling to realize how much Elise has taught us about grief, tenderness, Heaven, and God’s grace. Even though every now and then I wonder what we’d all be like if she had lived (I’d have a 3yo running around the house. Isaac would be a little brother instead of “first-born.” I’d be going to a 3yo birthday party today instead of wearing my ruby red sweater and her birthstone jewelry.), I think it’s probably best to remember that she has made me a more attentive mommy to Isaac — more attached, more content, and more delighted during even those fussy times.

For her first birthday, my darling DH took me to Disney World. 😀 To spend her first birthday in Heaven at the “happiest place on earth” seemed appropriate. While I cried through everything — when Pluto licked my DH’s head at dinner, when we toured Cinderella’s castle, when we watched the parade — it was an appropriate way to remember her. I was carrying one of her younger brothers that had Trisomy-10 and wasn’t meant for this world. He would leave my body a few weeks later.

Last year I was carrying her little brother Isaac and he had already made it into the 2nd trimester by this point — a wonderful gift.  And this year he giggles and bounces and devours everything about life. I’m just so blessed to have him. Sigh. . . .

So very thankful. . . .

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